My "Aha!" Moment

Everyone has one. It's the moment when you realize so many things about yourself and what it truly means to be happy.

My "AHA" moment came last night while hooked up to an IV for being dehydrated. I went in with heart palpitations and just general anxiety and I couldn't understand why my heart was racing so hard.

So as the doctors, and nurses rushed to put the EKG monitor on me, I'll admit I was scared to death. I hated not knowing why I was feeling so bad and why there was such a crushing in my chest. Of course I immediately thought the worst and figured something was seriously wrong with me.

When the doctor broke it down to just being dehydrated, I immediately felt so much better. My heart rate went down significantly and as I lay in bed, I stared up at the ceiling thanking my lucky stars that nothing was wrong.

Then something happened that completely changed my life.

About thirty minutes after the nurse hooked up my IV to replenish my fluids, a new patient came in just on the other side of the curtain. I barely saw who it was at first but of course with just a curtain on the other side of me, I realized what was going on.

He was a 16 year old cancer patient with shortness of breath. He was going through something I could never fathom and yet, when I finally caught a glimpse of him, he was all smiles. This boy who is fighting for his life was taking everything in stride and nothing seemed to bother him, even when they told him they may have to do a chest tube. He took it with a grain of salt, never once complaining about anything they were having to do to him. I only twenty minute before he walked in complained that my IV was bothering me.

By the time I left last night, I was no longer concerned about my dehydration, or my shortness of breath. I was more concerned for that 16 year old boy who was almost half my age, and had never fully lived life yet. I was in awe of his ability to let nothing bother him and his mother was the same way. She was there as support and wouldn't let anything bother her.

I realized something, last night and today. I may worry about the small things like light bills and rent or when I'm going to finally get a car, but all that is nothing in comparison to what it's like to fight for your life. So many things have been put into perspective for me and I've learned a very valuable lesson out of it all.

A guy wise beyond his years told me Sunday morning, "I've learned to not sweat the small stuff, or even the big stuff… there are so many things that I've got going on too, but if I worry about everything, it will put me into an early grave…" For once, I got it. It took him saying that, the death of a friend and a 16 year old cancer patient for me to realize that life is too short to worry about the things we cannot control. We need to look at life as a gift, something to live to the fullest. We should cherish those moments we have with one another and not worry so much about those things that we can't control.

So as I sat out at Victory Lane with Mikey during lunch, everything hit me at once. The weight was lifted from my chest… the tightness that had lingered for so long disappeared… the feeling of drowning was gone and the stress depleted as I soaked in the sun and listened to the wind blow through the weeping willow trees. I feel free, vibrant and lifted. I think it was Gods way of saying, "See, I told you… if you would just let it all go, I'd take care of you." And he's right.

For once, I feel free, not stressed and completely happy.

So today, I keep in my mind and my heart that 16 year old boy and his family. I cannot imagine the struggles they face in the future, but I pray that everything works out for them. And if I could see him again, I would tell him thank you.