Fantastical blog post #3 (AKA I had nothing to name this)

I should be writing. Yes, I know this. I see chapter 3 staring me down like a fat kid that I just stole his last twinkie. The thing is this. I'm worried. I've always found it easier to display my feelings and things like that into words on paper than to utter it out of my mouth. However, things are changing. The boyfriend saw me separating out clothes on the floor and he's become really receptive to me when I get upset. I clean everything. It's my way of letting everything go. I just don't know how to say what needs to be said sometimes.

My secrets?

I just want things to be easier. When I told my mom this, she laughed at me. She said, "Sweetie, nothing gets easier in life. If nothing else, it gets harder." That's what's worrying me. I see my dad who's going through something I can't even imagine going through. I'm beginning to lose people that I once thought would live forever and now I'm dealing with health issues of my own and it scares me.

So I sit here this morning eating my healthy apple/cinnamon/cranberry muffin and drinking nothing but water b/c I'm scared to drink anything else for a while. I'm tired of worrying, and I'm tired of being scared. I just don't know how to get past all that.