... I wouldn't think about the past." - Roggae: Phish
I remember the first time I heard that song. I was recovering from a major bout of depression and realized that I'd gotten myself into something that I had no idea if I could come back from. Eventually I made it out alive but it makes me wonder what brought me to that point in my life. Was it out of selfishness or was it something I couldn't handle? Either way, for four years of my life, I dealt with something and it sucked.
But I sit here today, totally free of all my medication and free of all the troubles and heartache that I not only caused myself, but those closest to me.
I'm beginning to get frustrated again though. I don't know if it's boredom taking over again or the need to for something different in my life. I'm trying to not pay it any attention but I really, really want out of the job I currently hold. I know I'm worth more than what I'm getting paid and it sucks to sit in that office day in and day out and know that I'm not going to make any more money. I guess that's why I force myself to work so hard so I don't have to endure all of it for the rest of my life. So far, I'm on the right path and I'm proud of myself. I'm just trying to stick with it and hopefully it'll get better.
Then maybe, just for once, I can stop thinking about the past.
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